Tantric Yoga in the Buddhist tradition is the newest place for me to find an escape from the insanity and dissatisfaction that is a lot of life right now. I'm not UNhappy. I'm actually having a pretty fun go at it. It's just that I'm not really feeling a point. To life, that is.
Yeah, I've felt this before. In the past I went all Existential. Nihilism turned into punk rock turned into drugs turned into TRUE pointlessness. Dang. Not pretty.
This time around chemicals aren't calling to me. This time, I'm interested in the true nature of mind, peacefulness, being alive. And hopefully avoiding all the creepy detours that can happen while on the path. You know, I'm not trying to be too touchy-feely God realm. Like the person who just "loves everything. It's just all so beautiful man. I just love it...."
Nor do I want to be someone with a monomania of sorts. Meaning, someone who ONLY talks about teachings. I want to be able to bob and weave and move towards whatever is of interest to me at the moment intellectually while maintaining an understanding in empty awareness.
Neither do I want to have be an ascetic. I think it's important to stay tuned into family, friends, my own dark side.
And I kind of have a crush on a bright eyed tantric yogi.
Shit. that better not be the reason why I'm doing this.
to be continued.